Lakers secure Luka, MLB Speedway Classic, Jerry is Jerry, and more

We’ve made it to another dreaded Monday morning. However, not everything has to be dreary to start a new week.

For instance, you have the Weekend Roundup staring right back at you, and let me tell you, it’s a beaut, Clark. It’s a real beaut.

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There’s plenty to discuss from the weekend that was, and only the magic brain of this caffeinated-fueled blogger can give you the deets.

Let’s get started!

The Los Angeles Lakers secured their future with a massive three-year extension worth $165 million. It appears the revenge tour of Doncic is going according to plan, and now we can’t wait until the start of next season.

The Atlanta Braves took down the Cincinnati Reds to win the first-ever MLB Speedway Classic on Sunday.

The game was scheduled for Saturday night, but rain would only allow them to finish a half-inning. As a Reds fan, it should have been called after the half inning for the team from Cincinnati. That’s just my opinion.

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has once again made the NFL offseason all about him as the team is in some heated discussions with frustrated star Micah Parsons about a new deal.

In the process, Jones brought up an old story involving past negotiations with former wide receiver Dez Bryant, where the Cowboys owner claimed Bryant’s agent quit returning his call.

However, Roc Nation Sports dropped a message on Sunday saying Jones’ comments were false, and now we have a who is right situation, but let’s not get crazy; we know who is right. Spoiler alert: probably not Jerry.

Michelle Obama said what we are all thinking when it comes to some of the programming that is on sports networks currently.

Obama compared watching an hour of ESPN to “Real Housewives of Atlanta”, saying Stephen A. Smith would be a perfect housewife for the show.

Her intentions were good, but now the former First Lady has given Smith something to ramble about this week, and I can’t wait to attempt writing about it.

The Los Angeles Chargers kicked off their preseason schedule with a win over the Detroit Lions last Thursday in the Hall of Fame Game. However, the good vibes would not last long.

Chargers linebacker Denzel Perryman was arrested on Saturday for possession of an assault weapon, leaving his career’s future uncertain.

Jelly Roll had his first official professional wrestling match on Saturday during Night One of WWE’s “SummerSlam.”

The country music star did something that most celebrities can’t when they step into the squared circle: earn the respect of the fans.

Logan Paul’s epic splash off the top rope that sent Jelly Roll through a table was one of the biggest moments of the weekend, but not the biggest in WWE.

The ultimate moment of SummerSlam was when Seth Rollins swerved everyone by faking an injury that ultimately led to him cashing in his Money in the Bank contract against a newly crowned CM Punk.

Fans waited over a decade to see Punk win gold again in the company, but the rug was pulled right out from under them with the ultimate heel move from Rollins. Feed me more of this, please?

I feel like a buzzkill having to write about the legal issues of another athlete from this weekend, but here we are.

Olympic gold medalist Sha’Carri Richardson was arrested for assault at a Seattle airport, which TMZ reports that Richardson attacked her boyfriend.

Let’s get back to talking about some fun stuff, like the gear worn by some of the players during the Speedway Classic.

Braves infielder Nick Allen and Reds catcher Tyler Stephenson were prepared for baseball on a racetrack with their “Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby” inspired gear.

Just looking at this gear makes me want to pray to baby Jesus while drinking a blue Powerade and eating Taco Bell. If you ain’t first, you’re last.

The Speedway Classic hogged a lot of the spotlight this weekend, and the most incredible story may be about Reds reliever Lyon Richardson.

Richardson was called down to the franchise’s AAA team on Saturday, but the rain delay in Bristol meant the team needed more arms for their game on Sunday. So, Richardson got the call to rejoin the Reds and got to fly on the commissioner’s private jet to the big game, where he would see time on the field.

That is a baseball story if I ever heard one.

What do you give someone who just got a life-changing contract? Well, if you’re new Lakers owner Mark Walter, you let the future of your franchise go backstage at a Backstreet Boys concert.

Walter wasn’t playing games with Doncic’s heart. The Lakers’ star got the surprise of hanging out with the greatest boy band of all time. Hopefully, Doncic won’t feel incomplete after this. Okay, I’m done with the puns.

ESPN has announced that Machine Gun Kelly’s “don’t wait run fast” will be the jam you are sick of before the month of August, as it is the theme song for “College GameDay.”

Mr. Machine Gun, I mean no disrespect, but Fall Out Boy and Panic At The Disco are still the owners of the ultimate GameDay themes. Actually, scratch that, give me Big & Rich.

Popeyes has blown the doors open with these new White Choco Kit-Kat Biscuits. Thankfully, for my own health, these are only in the Philippines. But if they do ever make it over here, I’m going to go ahead and be a full-blown diabetic.

That’s it for this edition of the Weeknd Roundup. It’s becoming harder and harder to leave you all with a banger each week, but I think I have one in John Prine’s “In Spite of Ourselves.”

Let’s crush this week just like we did the week before, and meet back here on Friday. Sound like a plan?

Have a great week, everyone!